Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do vagina's smell?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
