I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
