its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
