Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just threw up on my dentist
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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