Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
