The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize