elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
