I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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