His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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