She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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