onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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