I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
