I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
