If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
