You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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