I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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