im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
