It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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