I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
