entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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