If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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