shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
