we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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