i think i have two assholes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
