Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize