before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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