My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
