im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
