I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
