There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
