Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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