You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
