he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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