I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
