so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
