I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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