You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
