he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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