The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
