You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
