Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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