May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
