He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
