Will you blow on my dice?
I think I died a long time ago.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
