for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize