i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
