I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
