I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
