:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize