Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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