I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
