uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
