dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
