dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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