I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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