it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
