I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
