I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
