ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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