Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
