You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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