I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
