You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
