I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
